I am Ian

The rains brought cooler temperatures, but it also brought a brownout in our area. Kung kelan ba naman ako nag work from home dun pa nagbrownout... anak ng tokwa super badtrip! and i was looking forward to log off early today. :(

i'm at SMPC at the moment and i just realized how i sorely missed this place. it brings back good memories! for some reason, i feel positive whenever i'm here. it's maybe because of the place, or the people.... or the memories :b

now, back to work!

I don't want to start my blog post this year to be a very negative one, but I guess I couldn't be helped. I was supposed to write an "optimistic" entry right after the long vacation. The topic should have been the great things that happened last year, my plans for this year, and the "challenge" thing I thought of to make my life (and blog) more exciting. I guess it all faded away when I went back to work. I cant muster up any inspiration to write a positive entry, heck I even feel the negativity while I'm driving!

I'm feeling very heavy, negative and lonely. I'm must release this.... soon. Probably should talk with my mom or Rhea about it. I hope they'll understand. My advance apology goes to you guys for being my cushion and absorbing all the negativity I'll be dumping. But, chances are, nothing will change after the talk.... (or am I being too negative :( )

I hate this emotional instability I'm feeling... pitiful and pathetic.

Oh, I'm officially discontinuing my plurk. It was fun while it lasted, and certainly a good distraction from work.

I couldn't resist posting today because.... It's officially my 2nd year in HP. All I can say is... konting tiis na lang :)


now, back to work :(

In the last entry, I mentioned about the mini-projects that I "wanted" to do. Oh well, let's see how many of these I can actually do. "Wanting" to do it is one thing.... Doing it is a whole different story.

1. PKB Twiki. I think it's a given since this is a team initiative. Hope to get the pace rolling by next week.

2. Blog Redesign.I'm getting bored of the layout I'm currently using. It was a reminder of the time when I was in emo mode. I have passed that phase for now, so I'm thinking of a more jolly theme! (black n white? joke!) was thinking of a Patapon-like theme since I'm currently hooked (not really in the game) but in its cute and cartoony creatures. I have a Patapon theme in my Plurk... and I'm enjoying it very much :D

3. Cooking. I want to learn how to cook! but I'm too lazy!!! mas gusto ko pa mahiga buong araw pag weekends kesa magluto. It's my only rest day... minsan di pa cause may gimik! lol


That's all for now. I'm not feeling well today. I'm experiencing the symptoms of flu.. sana di matuloy T_T

I keep bumping into this type of entries in my friends' blogs. Might as well try it out for fun! I don't know if I'll agree with most of it. you be the judge. I used two names... wonder which one fit me most!

What Ian Means

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic “Type A” personality. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

What Charles Means

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic “Type A” personality. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

What keeps me busy at the moment... (aside from work of course!)

1. I'm currently playing a new MMO Warhammer Online. It's fun and it keeps me destressed after work... that's enough reason to play it! :D I'm currently playing an Archmage in Ironclaw... yeah a support character. I was never the melee-tankish type. Although I may try it out for a change. I also belong in an all pinoy guild, and that's a plus for staying longer in a game. After all, the community is the heart of a good MMO game.

2. I browse through my weekly dose of manga! Naruto plus Bleach equals bliss... add some dose of Dragon Quest and it's pure heaven! :D

3. The fall season of the US TV series has already started. On top of my list is HEROES!! My Tuesday nights will never be the same again. Thank you Steph for the constant supply of Heroes. I might catch Grey's Anatomy again this season.... meron pa bang ibang ok?

4. I'm getting my daily serving of soul food from Bo Sanchez. He has the most inspiring and enlightening anecdotes that's full of meaning. He has this short daily videos in the videos section... and it nourishes my soul everyday. It's a good way to start or end the day.

5. I'm currently hooked to Plurk! It's cool thing right now in the office! gets my mind off the daily office stress.


I have other mini projects in mind but that's for another post. I'm already sleepy...

Wow. my last post was 4 months ago. I always thought of posting an entry last July after my birthday when I was in emo mode. that never transpired... but I have found the perfect text to quantify most of it... Thanks Barbs for the article. I "think" I have gotten over some of it, but I believe it's a cycle... it will return!


They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you
stop going along with the crowd and start realizing
that there are many things about yourself that you
didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will
be in a year or two, but then get scared because you
barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that,
maybe, those friends that you thought you were so
close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have
ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are
some of the most important ones. What you don't
recognize is that they are realizing that too, and
aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that
they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to
what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are
looking for a job and realizing that you are going to
have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what
others are doing and find yourself judging more than
usual because suddenly you realize that you have
certain boundaries in your life and are constantly
adding things to your list of what is acceptable and
what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the
next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your
life. You feel alone and scared and confused.
Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on
to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the
past is drifting further and further away, and there is
nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you
loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed
and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough
that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love
someone but love someone else too and cannot figure
out why you are doing this because you know that you
aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook
ups start to look cheap.

Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look
pathetic. You go through the same emotions and
questions over and over, and talk with your friends
about the same topics because you cannot seem to
make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a
life for yourself... and while winning the race would
be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this
relates to it.

We are in our best of times and our worst of times,
trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing
out.

It's the end of a long weekend... a very long weekend if you count the Big B teambuilding we had last Thursday and Friday. It may seem like i didn't accomplish much this weekend... work-wise or even in my Oracle exam review. However, i would like to think otherwise. I have some good developments in the other aspects of my life... as one PG requestor would say, life is not all about changes, there are other things more important than changes. (if you're from my team you'd know what changes mean). hay, sana ganyan lahat ng requestors... cool!!! di gaya ng iba... cool-etz! leche.

I got to bond more with my teammates. playing charades and taboo with them was a blast... (diba Steph? Mark?) wish we had a video of it, bentang benta yan sa youtube! talo pa si moymoypalaboy.

I got to update my blog! i really like how it looks now... definitely better than the all white scheme i had before <..boring..>. I'm still thinking of other improvements on my blog, but that's for later.

I had the leisure to blog-hop and multiply-hop! I put out a few comments too! sweet :D it's been months since i last commented on anyone's blog or multiply photos.

I got to chat with my SJ friends Singapore chapter! yeah that's right... there's a lot of them there right now at it seems like their barkada is bigger than ours here.

I got to bond with my family more! my brother went home because it's a long weekend. My dad constantly drops side comments like "kamusta ang bakasyonista" or "long time no see" or "umuwi ka rin/nagkita rin tayo". this is because we don't see each other anymore during weekdays. i'm still asleep when he leaves the house, and he's already sleeping when i get home.

and.... I have this sudden urge to buy an LCD monitor (min: 19in, max: 22in). I'm still weighing the pros and cons of it. Actually i'm just convincing myself that i don't really need it (but i really want it!)... because if i buy one, i don't think i'll be using it very long (*hint* *hint* hulaan nyo na lang).

I'm just sad cause we weren't able to watch either Kungfu Panda or Prince Caspian. My mom, sis and I even went to Trinoma earlier to watch one of the movies... but good heavens! the lines were long, cinemas were full, and people were all over the place! i think it's because it's officially the end of summer vacation for most of the students... sinulit-sulit na. Oh well, there's always this coming weekend.

These simple (and almost trivial) events are what makes life so much fun and interesting. Let's say it's a 180 degree turn from my mood in the last entry (an "almost, but not quite there yet" feeling... i'm not yet in a Jason Castro "happy-stoked" mood). I'm still in the middle of a crossroad, but i'm seizing the moment and enjoying the view :D

A busy week ahead! fight! fight!

a big thank you to all the people who gave their feedbacks on my previous entry... it really helped a lot